I think my fart just growled at me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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