YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
