I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize