You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
