you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
