he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
