I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
