I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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