Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
