Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
