i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
