please come you make the beer taste better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
