i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
