I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
