Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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