i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
