um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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