You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
