I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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