tell your sister to shave her snatch
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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