try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
