She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
