My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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