If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize