i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize