she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
