this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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