take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
