Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize