I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
