this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize