i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
