If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
