Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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