She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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