im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
