Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
