he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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