also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
