There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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