I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
