Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
