giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
