Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
