I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
