Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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