every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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