I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize