So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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