I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
