coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
