Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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