Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
