I am puke
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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