Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
