You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
