How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
