Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
