Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
