My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
