i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
