Your dad touched me again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Your penis caused this!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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