i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
