You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
