I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
