hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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