Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
