oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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